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08 January 2009 @ 10:22 pm
Fic: Always Read The Label  
Because sarahetc said 'make fic of this'. Yes, I really am that easy. *grins*  Apologies for today's spam folks - maybe this'll make it up for it.

Title: Always Read The Label
Rating/Warning: PG13
Length: 839 words
Summary: Ron and Hermione with a chocolate orange, sometime after the first Christmas since they were married.

Always Read The Label

"What are these?" asked Ron curiously.

Hermione looked over at her new husband and smiled. He was sat sideways on the couch going through the contents of the plastic Asda carrier bag her Nan had left them when she came to visit on Boxing Day.

"Bad for your teeth," she replied.

Ron pulled a Toblerone out of the bag and examined it. "You mean they're, what, Muggle sweets?"

"Mmm, chocolate mostly. That one has nougat in as well, I think." She sat down next to him, curling her feet up underneath herself to keep them warm. "That's the problem with Christmas; everyone buys too much to eat, especially sweet things. Nan's diabetic, so she buys them for her visitors and she always passes the leftovers on to me. She always seems to think being brought up by a pair pf dentists means that I was deprived of sweet things."

"Muggles eat money?" asked Ron as he discovered a bag of Thornton's chocolate coins.

Hermione grinned. "No, they're just chocolate covered in foil."

"What about this?" He waved a small box at her. "Says it's an orange, but oranges don't come in boxes," he scoffed.

Hermione reached over to take it off him and explain, but he held it up over his head and out of her reach, which wasn't difficult with arms as long as his. She knelt up, braced herself with one hand on his shoulder, and made a grab for the box, but he just leant back and managed to move it even further away.

"Oh, honestly." She brushed away some of the hair that had gotten into her eyes and settled back down onto the couch as he laughed at her.

"Brawns over brains!" he crowed.

"Brains before beauty," she retorted and he pulled a face.

"Please don't ever let my brothers here you calling me 'beautiful'. Or, you know, anyone. Ever."

"Well you are. I think you are."

He ducked his head and mumbled something that she didn't quite catch as a blush crept up the sides of his neck.

Ron was always uncomfortable when she complimented him on his appearance, even when she used an appropriately masculine term. Hermione knew it wasn't so much to do with the inferiority complex he'd developed as a sixth child, but more because of the many scars he'd gained during the war. Yet he never shied away from her scars or complimenting her on her appearance, so she was determined to keep complimenting him until he accepted that she did love how he looked, and until then he couldn't argue with her doing something that he did himself. Or he could, but he wouldn't win.

Hermione cringed as Ron ripped open the chocolate orange box at the side, instead of opening it properly at the top. He pulled out the clear plastic that encased and held in place the orange, then brought the round ball of tinfoil-wrapped chocolate up to eye level and inspected it critically.

"It's chocolate that tastes kind of like oranges and is shaped like an orange," said Hermione. "You break it into segments and eat it."

"I know you eat chocolate." He turned the 'orange' over and over. "Why does the label on top say 'whack and unwrap'?"

He wiggled his bushy eyebrows suggestively and Hermione blushed herself as a fair few dirty thoughts invaded her brain, no doubt due to the bad influence of spending so much time (and having so much fun) with Ron.

"Um. You whack it, on a hard surface, so it breaks into segments and then you unwrap the foil. Then you eat it."

Ron peeled off the label, stuck it on his forehead, and wigged his eyebrows again.

Hermione squeaked and hit him on the arm with an open palm.

"Does that count as my 'whack'?" He pushed the chocolates and the still half-full bag off his lap and onto the floor with a grin. "Going to 'unwrap' me now?"

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Is that a trick question?"

Hermione moved closer and he moved his legs apart so she could sit between them, facing him. She ran a fingertip around the second-to-top button of his shirt – the top one being already open.

Ron shifted his legs a little and this close she could feel he was already excited by the turn of events. Hermione wasn't sure if she would ever be comfortable with confessing it, but she secretly loved how often Ron wanted to have sex with her. She didn't require proof that he liked her that way, but it was wonderful to have.

(She also wasn't sure if she'd be able to eat a chocolate orange ever again without blushing, but right now she really didn't care.)

She popped the button open, pressed herself closer until her breasts were brushing his chest, and smiled up at him. "Unwrap and then…eat?"

Ron swallowed hard. "Well, it was on the label, Hermione. It's an instruction."

She laughed, and then he laughed, and then she kissed him.
feeling: sillysilly
sarahetc on January 8th, 2009 11:03 pm (UTC)

"Well, it was on the label, Hermione. It's an instruction."

Perfect! Priceless! Years of growing up with Percy have taught him how to deal!
inkvoices: hp:hermioneandron_happywithyouinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:16 pm (UTC)

He is armed with the knowledge of how to deal with these types, so he is. *grins* Although she was so going to cave in anyway.
thesteppyone: DH - Hermione/Ron kiss *dies*thesteppyone on January 8th, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
Awww yay!

Chocolate and sex and left over christmas chocolate that ROn doesn't understand right away.

Whack and Unwrap *sniggers*

Love it!
inkvoices: kindofnaughtyinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
Seriously, that was what my left over chocolate orange said on the label when I opened it the other day. *wiggles eyebrows*

Glad you enjoyed!
sugar_fey: HP- solitary twinsugar_fey on January 8th, 2009 11:38 pm (UTC)
Nice, sweet and oh-so-cute! Loves!
inkvoices: hp:hermioneandron_happywithyouinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:18 pm (UTC)
Thanking you and glad you liked it :oD
luvscharlieluvscharlie on January 8th, 2009 11:56 pm (UTC)
I love this!

Are you going to unwrap me now, indeed? If she doesn't, I will (just don't tell Charlie)

This was fabulous. Ponders how to use that "whack and unwrap" line in personal life.
inkvoices: hp:Weasley inyourbedinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:21 pm (UTC)
Well, that was what my chocolate orange said. Alas, I had neither Charlie nor Ron to play with. ;o)

Glad you enjoyed it! (And if you ever do use this in personal life I will laugh so much. And grin a lot. And probably wiggle eyebrows. Ha.,)
leven_kemal: Serenity sunriseleven_kemal on January 9th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)
I'm not much of a candy eater, so *my* chocolate orange is still sitting in my stocking, unwhacked and un-unwrapped. But my wife's is gone. I wonder if she'd like to share mine.

Lovely story. A very touching take on how love can't take our scars and imperfections away, but it does sort of heal them.
inkvoices: hp:hermioneandron_happywithyouinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:28 pm (UTC)
Re: Hmmm...
*laughs* I have a sweet tooth, but we always have far too many sweet things leftover after Christmas. I opened a chocolate orange the other day and went 'my orange is talking to me. Dirty talk. What the hell?' *grins* Chocolate sharing is always good.

On love, I always like the descriptions from Good Will Hunting: that the little things make life, that the imprefections are the good stuff, that the question isn't whether or not someone is perfect but if you're perfect for each other. And then if scars matter, they matter because they're loved.
Ni!allie_meril on January 9th, 2009 04:15 am (UTC)
*laughs* Oh, this is sweet! I love their banter, and Hermione's determination on complimenting Ron. The remark about the scars really reminded me of how much they've gone through, in such a sweet moment. That's so easy to forget in romantic post-war fics, so that was a really well-chosen inclusion.

And the patented Allie-nitpickery... It's a compulsion, plz to be forgiving me...
[A] Darn those homonyms! ...complimenting him until he accepted that she did love...
[B] Is the saying brain over brawn, with both words being singular and not plural? (Ron reversed it, of course! I'm not correcting that!)
inkvoices: essayinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Heh, Ron may have followed his book on how to charm witches, but Hermione has her own ideas about how important compliments are as well. And sometimes I forget Ron's scars as well, or at least that he has so many, but kath_ballantyne posted an amazingly lovely picture of Ron with all his scars the other day and now I don't think I'll ever forget, so into the story they went.

I am one of those strange people that actually like being told how I can improve or when I've made a stupid mistake. If a large part of the fic would require changing I might just say thank you and then leave the fic as it is, but when someone points out spelling, grammer, minor problems, I have to fix them or they'll eat my brain. *grins*
a) So yes, changed that now!

b) The saying I've heard is with both being plural, but then I've heard 'beauty before age' being singular. I think that may be a dialectual type thing, wtih different geographical regions having their own variations. That said, speech is often imperfect, so you can just think of it as Ron having poor grammer as well as reversing the phrase, if you like. :o)

Edited at 2009-01-09 05:44 pm (UTC)
(Anonymous) on January 10th, 2009 02:09 pm (UTC)
Actually I think the saying is 'Brains over Brawn" - brains being in the plural as it is used in most situations when used as a colloquialism.
I've seen them both used as the singular before but that was when the saying was used in a slightly different context and not just a statement of the old adage.
I've yet to see 'brawns' used but as you said this may be down to differences in regional dialects.
inkvoicesinkvoices on January 10th, 2009 08:22 pm (UTC)
The expressions that I've generally heard are 'brains before brawn' and 'age before beauty', but there are a collection of sayings like this that people use to tease each other with. Ron reverses it to be 'brawn over brains' to tease Hermione.

I can't recall hearing the plural 'brawns' in this context either, but when writing dialogue I tend to give myself a little leeway for 'mistakes', as it were, because people all have their own unique way of talking and here Hermione is the one who talks 'correctly' and Ron, whilst he isn't stupid, talks 'less correctly' and, at the time of writing, it seemed to me that either both being singular or plural would be more logical than one being singular or the other plural and I had Ron chose to say both plural. :o)

Edited at 2009-01-10 08:25 pm (UTC)
Ni!allie_meril on January 9th, 2009 04:16 am (UTC)
I now want a chocolate orange. Mmmmm. *drools*
Me: [HP] RHr | KathArthpuckle on January 9th, 2009 07:25 am (UTC)
Hehe, this is perfect! This Ron is so wonderful!

inkvoices: hp:hermioneandron_happywithyouinkvoices on January 9th, 2009 05:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Glad you liked it :o)
You know, I think this is the first time I've posted Ron/Hermione? That feels...odd.
Emma: Harry Potter - Ron/Hermioneemmacmf on December 29th, 2009 10:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, that was lovely!

I got linked here because I just posted that I'd unwrapped a chocolate orange!
inkvoices: hp:hermione adultlookuphappyinkvoices on January 3rd, 2010 09:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Heh, and chocolate oranges are a Christmas must. :oD
Hope you had a fantastic Christmas and new year!
Emmaemmacmf on January 3rd, 2010 09:26 pm (UTC)
Yes, I had a lovely time, thank you, and coincidentally, I've just finished off the last of my Chocolate Orange!

I hope that you and yours had a lovely time too.